Caring for people does not have to hurt like this
People may describe you as a good listener, super helpful, always selfless and will drop anything at a moment’s notice to be there for someone.
Sounds great right? Well, maybe for the friend calling at midnight for a deep dive conversation about her relationship, a bottle of wine deep, and half the day tomorrow waiting for her to sleep in. But for the person getting the call, who has a test early tomorrow morning, who has been asleep for 2 hours, who studied all day, who feels like she HAS to answer that call and be there for her friend at all hours of the night?
Well, it pretty much sucks.
Establishing boundaries AND getting what you want in life IS possible, and it is NOT selfish.
How do you know that you need more boundaries?
What does “establishing boundaries” even mean? What a therapist-y thing to say right? I think of boundaries as something essential, like water, food, sleep. Like what is needed to live your life and when you don’t have one of those things, you notice, and it sucks.
Maybe telling someone “sorry, I can’t hang out today” is so excruciating that you will say yes to anyone for any request, even if it means you won’t get any sleep, you will be stressed out and it will totally throw off your week.
Maybe you seem like someone who can handle a lot, who can work, go to school and manages life well. However with certain relationships, you tend to jump in and try to “help” only to have your help rejected and then you become angry at that person for rejecting your help and not listening to you.
Maybe you have people in your life who are genuinely suffering and you feel like if they just listened to you then their lives would be so much better!
But… what about you?
Does just reading that make you a little uncomfortable? Do you wonder who you would even be if you were not so involved in the lives of the people around you?
If you are noticing that when people ask you how you are doing, you respond with how your family, partner, or friends are doing, then I may be able to help you.
I know you care deeply about others.
This intense desire to help others probably comes from a really good place. A place of caring, a place of wanting others to have the help that maybe you never got yourself. But the real question is, what is it costing you?
What should I know about getting therapy for my struggles with boundaries?
You will still be caring, loving, wonderful YOU. The difference is you will be able to tell where you end and someone else begins. You will be driven by the joy of giving when it is truly for fun and for free. You will be able to love the people in your life without constantly trying to change them, and then being constantly disappointed that they do not in fact change.
What kind of therapy is this?
Individual, direct, straightforward therapy meant to address the pain in your life that caused you to feel like it is your responsibility to rescue those around you. Self reflective engagement focusing on a co-dependency recovery model, which means you will learn and practice how to live a life that is free from the weight of feeling responsible for the burdens of others.
What kind of therapy is this not?
This is not couples therapy, I provide individual therapy for those who are struggling with relationships in general in their lives, and I am not a couples counselor.
What is holding you back from therapy?
If you have read this far you may be asking yourself, is she describing me? You may be someone who is constantly putting others’ needs in front of your own. Which means you may hesitate to reach out to therapy at all. Or you may want therapy to help better your relationship with your mom, dad, boss, friend etc. Or you may come to therapy because your partner wants to stay with you and you want to break up. But the thought of breaking someone’s heart is excruciating so you stay in the relationship that makes you unhappy. To make your partner happy.
Whatever the reason is, now may be the time to decide what part of your life gets to actually be yours. Hint, the answer is ALL of it. We can care about others AND care for ourselves. I promise, it is possible.
Begin therapy to improve the relationship with yourself and with others around you!
You don’t need to continue to feel like you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You can still keep your love of supporting others, while also holding the beauty of the life you want to live. I specialize in walking people through this journey on the road to better boundaries and a more healthy and fulfilling life.
To start your Therapy journey, follow these simple steps:
- Contact me to Schedule your 15 min free consultation to see if we are a good fit
- Meet with me to start therapy
- Help yourself live the life that is truly a beautiful one that you deserve. (even if you are not even sure what that means right now).
Other Mental Health Services at Hope Arts Therapy:
My Southern California practice specializes in helping young adult women improve their relationships and establish better boundaries. I also specialize in teens girls and young adult women who have survived various kinds of traumas. Through therapy, I walk along side of people who overcome the pain of what they have been through or what has happened to them. If you don’t live in the Southern California Area, all of my services are available online via a secure video chat platform anywhere in the State of California. Get in touch with me today to start your journey to healing and getting that much needed joy back. It is possible, I am here to help.
Call today for your free 15-minute consultation